May is a family month—indeed, a meaningful month during which we commemorate and remind ourselves of the importance of our families. It is often said that the greatest problem of the modern society is the family crisis—the degradation and fragmentation of the very basic building block of our society, the family unit. Broken homes—or families—are all too commonplace, as skyrocketing divorce rates, as well as troubles between children, parents, and siblings, cast a dark and impenetrable shadow on people today. Our sincerest of hopes is living amongst a happy and functional family—a wish that is not all too easy to realize. Sweet homes--and happy families—do not construct themselves; rather, they are established tediously, as the hopes and efforts of all members of a family become the ever-crucial building blocks. Today, I would like to stress that three pillars are absolutely essential in constructing a happy home.

The first pillar of a happy home is a trusting relationship between the spouses. In today’s scripture, Ephesians 5: 22, it is stated, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.” Through verse 25, today’s scripture teaches us, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Wives must submit to their husbands, just as Christians must submit to and obey Jesus Christ. The reason for this submission is not because women were created as inferiors to men; rather, obedience by wives is needed to maintain order and happiness within a home and a family. God created men and women as equals; and as Paul states in Galatians 3: 28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Wives submit to their husbands not out of forced obedience, as a slave obeys his master; rather, wives willingly obey their husbands to bring forth the necessary order in a home to make it a happy family. But submission of wives is only one half of the equation; trusting and healthy relationship between spouses cannot be established through the obedience of wives alone. Husbands must love their wives like Jesus loves the church; moreover, husbands must love their wives like they love their own bodies, and must be willing to sacrifice themselves just as Christ sacrificed Himself for the church. Therefore, a happy spousal relationship is mutual and never one-sided; furthermore, such relationships are established by both partners. Insistence on obedience by the wives, without reciprocation, can never establish a healthy spousal relationship. In one aspect, husbands may be exerting a greater effort—and more is required from the husband than from the wife—as husbands must love their wives like Jesus loves the church. Inherent in such requirement is the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the good of the other. In other words, greater responsibility—to upkeep and maintain the spousal relationship—falls on the shoulders of the husband.

Thomas Wheeler is a retired CEO of the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company. He tells about a time when he and his wife were out driving and they nearly ran out of gas. They pulled off the freeway and drove up to a small, disheveled gas station with one pump. There was only one man working in the place, so Wheeler asked him to fill the tank while he himself checked the oil level in the engine. He saw his wife talking to and smiling at this attendant. When they saw Wheeler looking at them, the attendant walked away and pretended that nothing had happened. Wheeler paid the attendant, and both Wheeler and his wife pulled out of the seedy little gas station. As the drove down the road, he asked his wife if she knew the attendant. She admitted that she did know him. In fact, she had known him very well. It seems that they had not only gone to the high school together, but they had dated seriously for about a year. Wheeler couldn’t help but brag a little and said, “Boy, were you lucky I came along. If you had married him, you’d be the wife of a gas station attendant instead of the wife of a CEO.” To this self-promotion, Wheeler’s wife replied, “My dear, if I had married him, he’d be the CEO and you’d be the one pumping gas.”

Wives must constantly, through warm words and hands, encourage their husbands and instill courage in their hearts. John Gray states in Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, “A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent.” Husbands often desire and crave the encouraging respect from their wives. According to a study done by John Gottman of the University of Washington, “In couples that stay together, there are about five times more positive things said to and about one another than negative ones. But in couples that divorce, there are about one and a half times more things said that are negative than positive.” According to a popular poll taken in 1952, 51% of the respondents stated that a couple must divorce if their relationship deteriorates to the point where neither spouse can stand one another; by comparison, 23 years later—in 1985—82% of the respondents expressed the same opinion. The vast increase in divorce rate today—where over a period of 30 years, the rate of divorce increased three fold—can be attributed to the breakdown in the order of families, where the basic tenets of wives submitting to husbands and husbands loving their wives do not take place. Only when the pillar of healthy and happy spousal relationship is erected can our homes be content, warm, and happy, able to withstand the gusts of wind that may come our way.

The second pillar of a sweet home is a good relationship between the parents and their children. In Ephesian 6: 1, it is stated, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” In Ephesian 6: 4, the Bible teaches us, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” In order to establish this “rightful” relationship between parents and children, children must first obey their parents; parent, in return, must not anger their children and bring them up according to the Word of the Lord. Just as spousal relationships are mutual, so are the relationships between parents and their children, where both groups must exert the necessary effort to iron out the wrinkles in their relationships. Today is Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day is on June 17th. According to a statistic, children give over 12,600 mile’s length of ties to their fathers every year; tied together end to end, this “tie rope” can cross the US six times, and over 800,000 fathers can wear new ties to church on Father’s Day. We can glean God’s true intentions when we consider how we, as parents, love our children. Therefore, when one says he or she loves God yet fails to love and respect his or her own parents, we know that that person’s word belies the truth. Disciple Paul, in Ephesian 6: 2-3 quotes an excerpt from Exodus 20: 12, stating that if children respect their parents, they would be well off and enjoy a prosperous, long lasting lives. If one loves and respects his or her parents, good fortune and blessings will follow.

However, no matter how children—or offspring—treat their parents well, if parents fail to set the proper example for their children and teach them the right way, happy households cannot be established. There is a saying, “Until a boy is fifteen he does what his father says; after that he does what his father does.” One child development scholar stated, “No child will think more of God than he thinks of his own father.” In First Epistle of Kings, 22: 52, it is stated, “He did evil in the sight of the Lord, and walked in the way of his father and in the way of his mother and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who had made Israel sin.” In the Second Epistle of Chronicles 26: 4-5, Uzziah does everything his father does, doing what was right in the eyes of the Lord, and receives countless blessings from God. An old Korean proverb delineates, “house of good children yields good children, and house of patriot yields patriots,” recognizing the importance of the examples that parents set for their children. If our children take after us, then we must watch every word we utter and every action we take.

A frontier preacher and his two sons found a stray dog and decided to keep it. The dog was coal black, except for three white hairs on his tail. One day, they saw an ad in the local paper for a lost dog, whose description fit the stray they found perfectly—which included the three white hairs. With the help of his boys, the preacher carefully pulled out the three white hairs. A few days later, the owner heard that the preacher had a dog like the one he had lost and came by. But he couldn’t find the three white hairs, so he could not claim the dog back as his. Later the preacher wrote, “I kept the dog, but I lost my boys.” The names of the boys were Frank and Jesse James.

According to a statistic, from a poll of 300 7th and 8th grade boys, an average 7th or 8th grade boy spends about 7.5 minutes per week with his father. In order to establish a happy home and family, we must never forget that the pillar of parental-child relationship is critical.

Lastly, the third pillar of a good household is a good relationship among siblings. The nucleus of today’s family revolves around the immediate family, and we often see families of one child. However, as the old saying goes, “the more, the better,” and financial situation willing, it would be good to have as many children as possible. But as we see in newspapers and other media all the more frequently, siblings of rich and famous often find themselves embroiled in bitter fights over inheritance—a fight that often leads to ruin. These stories often make us think that a good loving relationship with our siblings is much better than millions in gold. Chapter 4 of Genesis records the tragic story of Abel and Cain, the two sons of Adam and Eve. Cain, out of jealousy and all-consuming sense of competition, murders his younger brother Abel after God receives Abel’s offerings over his own. A display of loving relationship between siblings at family functions such as weddings, 61st birthday parties, or funerals often cheer up the guests who are present. I hope that all of us can deeply love and treasure our siblings.

A happy household is erected through the spousal pillar (where wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives), the parental-child pillar (where children respect their parents and parents bring up their children properly), and sibling pillar (where siblings love and care for one another). However, no matter how strong these pillars may be, if the foundation of our household is weak, all is for naught. The bedrock of this foundation is our Lord Jesus Christ. When all the members of our family accept Jesus Christ as our savior in our hearts, our Lord will bless our household come rain, snow, sleet or sunshine. I pray in the name of our Lord that each one of our households get erected on the bedrock of our Lord, Jesus Christ. And on that firm foundation, may the three pillars stand ever so tall, supporting a house that can withstand all elements of nature. Amen.